I have a confession to make. I. HATE. PARTIES.

And yet, I find myself agreeing to go to certain social events because I am also very much a people pleaser. This is one of the main causes of stress in my life and it’s particularly bad at this time of year.

I’m not saying I hate all social situations. I enjoy meeting up with friends and putting the world to rights as much as the next person, but I also know that with my close friends I can pull out of plans and be honest with them if I’m simply not in the right head space.

What I really struggle with is large gatherings where small talk is expected or where pockets of people stand around chatting and I don’t know which of the pockets to approach (or even how to approach them), but I know I need to attach myself to one of the groups because standing on your own at party comes with that really awkward feeling. I’ve lost count of the amount of times I’ve feigned a concerned look at my phone just so it looks like I’m dealing with something while I try to work out how to get through the party unscathed. Sometimes, I even use whatever it is that has “concerned” me as an excuse to leave, at which point I will breathe a massive sigh of relief in my car before driving home and hiding from the world.

Human Beings are known for being social animals but I’m willing to bet that at least someone is reading this and feeling like they could have written it themselves!! If that person is you then I am here to tell you that it is ok to decline invitations even at Christmas!

If you really feel like you can’t say no I have learnt that honesty is the best policy. I was recently in a situation where I was invited to a Christmas party that the mere thought of filled me with anxiety but I also felt like I should be there as it is work related and an awesome networking opportunity. So, I decided to speak to the organiser about my anxiety and they came up with some really good solutions to help me feel more at ease on the day.

Fundamentally though, I don’t believe that we should always have to “step out of our comfort zone.” In some situations it certainly helps to try something that fills you with a little fear and there’s no denying that stepping out of your comfort zone will help you progress to where you want to be in life. However, sometimes it’s perfectly ok to just chill out in your comfort zone for a while, especially during times when social calendars are busier than usual and the pressure of festive expectation weighs a bit too heavy.

So my top tip for fellow “socially awkwards” at this time of year is, when you are invited to a social event, don’t respond straight away (this is where I go wrong every time!). Instead, give yourself time to think about whether you want to go or not and if you don’t, send a polite thanks but no thanks. This includes family events. Remember you are not obligated to put yourself in any situation that you don’t want to be in, regardless of the cause for celebration or who the other guests are.

If you do want to go but are anxious, speak to the organiser and see if there is a way that you can be helped to feel less anxious. I always find that being given a job to do helps me as it keeps me occupied and prevents the need to pull out my phone and frown in “concern”.