Want to make changes in 2021? Start from a question instead
Happy New Year! We’re less than a week in to 2021 and already my social media feeds are awash with intentions, resolutions and posts that they’re out of the window (dry January/giving up sugar during a lockdown, no thanks). So I thought it would be a great time to revisit my TEDx talk from August where I talked about intentions and resolutions and why I like to start from a question instead.
I used to set myself New Year’s resolutions, and often resolutions at other times of the year. But usually, something would come up, life would get in the way and I wouldn’t be able to stick to them. And I’m not alone. In the UK, 19th January is ‘quitters day’, the day when the majority of people have already given up on their New Year resolutions. Only 25% of people continue beyond January and only 8% go on to achieve their resolutions. (I wonder what this year’s stats will be like!)
In 2019, I decided I’d try something different. I’m not sure why. But it was transformative. Rather than setting myself some intentions to work towards, I asked myself some questions instead. I decided I would spend the year trying to answer those questions. A little background – for the previous 10 years I had struggled with depression and anxiety, fear of what others thought, and just wasn’t where I wanted to be in my life. Life kept getting in the way. I kept getting in my own way. I decided I didn’t want to keep living that way so I asked myself:
What happens if I don’t give up?
and
What happens if I stop worrying what people think?
And honestly, I’ve been answering these questions ever since. When it came to this year I decided they were still great questions to be asking myself.
So why is a question a good place to start?
A statement, whilst amazing for setting focus, can be very fixed and rigid and lead to all or nothing thinking. You know the classic I’ve not done my 3 gym sessions this week so what’s the point now? They may be something great to aim for but with a statement the options are that you can achieve it or not, there isn’t much wiggle room to adapt. As soon as you’ve not managed to do it, we can give up. And we’re back at the beginning of the loop.
A question on the other hand is open, curious, creative, and flexible. Take my what happens if I don’t give up goal, which can be applied to any area of your life. So I Didn’t go to gym today, that’s ok, I can go tomorrow. There is much more room to adapt. When things happen in life, when things come up and get in the way, we’re more able to adapt and change where we’re going.
Questions, particularly powerful questions, are a massive part of education. As a teacher you can use questions to encourage children to discover things for themselves, explore new perspectives, to go deeper and challenge themselves. The same is true with the self-exploration they encourage in coaching. Asking yourself questions can encourage your own self-exploration and increase your self-awareness. And I believe that this deeper self-knowledge and ability to listen to yourself is fundamental to wellbeing.
So do I ever set goals? Yes. When I want to focus my attention and need motivation to move forward, absolutely. But I start from a question. And I hold my goals loosely. I reflect on them regularly and check in with myself, are they still what I want? How are they going? Do I need to adapt?
Whether you’ve set yourself intentions or asked yourself what you want to achieve this year, or chosen another question to answer for yourself, I encourage you to pause for a moment of reflection and check in with yourself and how you feel about them.
And if I may, I have a suggested question for us all to answer this year: What happens if you stop putting barriers in your own way?
If you want to watch my TEDx talk you can do so here: Want a change? Start form a Question.
And if you’re interested in exploring coaching, want to gain clarity or make changes in your own life, I am currently offering free coaching sessions through January and February. I’m offering an hour of free coaching per person, no strings, an opportunity to experience being coached yourself. Book your coaching session here.
