Stop being so sensitive?
“When you’re sensitive, you’re alive in every sense of this word in this wildly beautiful world. Sensitivity is your strength. Keep soaking in the light and spreading it to others.”
This week I’ve been thinking about my story and myself more. I’ve been putting myself out there to appear on other podcasts which is a weird mix of nervewracking and exciting. And it means I have been telling my story. And each time, the questions from the hosts encourage me to think of things in a slightly different way. So I feel I’m getting to know myself more each time. Which is quite fun.
This week’s episode of the Psykhe podcast which will be out tomorrow is definitely one where I got to know myself a little more. We dove in to sensitivity, being a sensitive - what it means and how it can be a superpower.
So what does it mean to be sensitive and what does it mean to me?
Let’s start with a dictionary definition, because why not? Sensitive means to be quick to respond to changes, signals or influences; or to display a quick and delicate appreciation of others’ feelings.
I think these are true but there is also much more to it. Yes, we can be more alert to things in the environment and notice them more and we can definitely be more attuned to the feelings of others - possibly even relate to being an empath and feeling the emotions of others. But there is also something I think around the depth of emotion that is experienced by people who are sensitive. That’s not to say that non-sensitives (is there a correct name?) don’t feel, but anyone who has ever been told they are ‘too sensitive’ when displaying emotion will know what I mean here.
“There is nothing wrong with you if there are times you get weighed down by the heaviness of the suffering in the world.”
So what about me? Would I say I’m a sensitive? When I was younger, yes, and I’m sure it was often said about me. But I had moved away from using the term, I guess because of this negativity that is often connected to being sensitive. I am not a fan of confrontation, I mean who is really? But the idea would have reduced me to tears at times in my life. And if I had upset someone? I would not be able to deal with their emotions without tears. When I get angry, tears often come with it. When I’m frustrated. Sad. When I’m touched by something in a film. I remember watching a film at university called A change of heart. It’s a sad film but I was literally bawling my eyes out. My housemates came back and were quite concerned! Did I know someone this had happened to? No. I was so involved in the story they thought it must have had a personal connection in some way. But no. I was just feeling it. Deeply.
“The real warriors in this world are the ones that see the details of another’s soul. They see the transparency behind walls people put up. They stand on the battlefield of life and expose their heart’s transparency, so others can finish the day with hope. They are the sensitive souls that understand that before they could be a light they first had to feel the burn.”
But something happened over the years, maybe due to depression or trying to be strong and capable, that I feel I moved away from my sensitive nature. Or tried to bury it. I leant in to my logical, rational side. This is very much a part of me too, but it blossomed at the expense of my sensitive side. I shut my emotions down and stopped connecting to them. Because if you can’t feel them, then they can’t be painful. Or difficult. Or confusing. Or all the things that emotions can be at times. But when you suppress your emotions to that extent you also lose all the beautiful emotions, the love and the joy.
As I’ve moved through my depression to wherever I am now, a better headspace, being ok, I’ve started to reconnect with my emotions. To try and live in the moment and feel what I’m feeling. The emotions pass, both the ‘negative’ and ‘positive’ ones, and I try to not be overcome by them but also not to hide from them. I’ve had to work on my own limiting beliefs about what it means to be an emotional, sensitive person. That it is not a sign of weakness. That I can be both strong and sensitive. Because you absolutely can. I spoke to someone last week who described me as having a gentle powerful strength, which I love.
I’ve got to know myself better and part of that has been understanding my energy - the things that light me up or leave me feeling drained. And I have started to embrace how deeply I feel. I love to connect with people and have deep meaningful conversations. Even that statement is quite groundbreaking really because I always talked about being socially anxious before. But as I’ve become ok with me and let go of some of the fear of what people think, I’m finding I really enjoy just getting to know people. Not small talk but real conversation.
“I’m sensitive. I love deeply. I think deeply about life. I’m honest, loyal and true. I appreciate the simple things. I will not change or harden. It is this sensitivity, perception, sincerity, awareness, affection and gentle grace that makes me who I am.”
I’ve started to lean in to my sensitivity. My ability to read people, to sense how they are feeling and to be able to hold space for those feelings, to support them. This has led into my coaching and those changes in my career. But I think beyond that it has also led to a big change in myself. As I’m focusing on sensitivity as the theme of the week, I’ve set up my posts on social media at the beginning of the week. And reading what I’ve written, which has come from the heart, I think back to where I was two years ago and how I would never have written those things. It would have felt awkward, or cringey, or fake. But it doesn’t now. Now it feels honest and true.
And that’s how I know I’ve changed. I’ve become more me. To any fellow sensitives reading this, it is not a weakness to feel deeply. I’m not sure how well I’ve expressed it (it’s gone midnight and I am feeling it tonight!) but Nicole is an amazing sensitive who is sharing the message that it is our superpower, our light in the world. So check out her interview in tomorrow’s podcast and lean in to your own unique sensitivity superpower.
