Searching for the positives
“When nothing is sure, everything is possible.”
We’re however many weeks into all this now and I want to reflect today not on what we’ve lost but on what we’ve gained through this experience. I don’t want this to diminsh the very real struggles that people are experiencing, but if I look back through my life at the hard times I’ve been through, and got through, there have been positive things that I’ve taken from them. I’ve learnt and grown through the challenges and they’ve shaped me into the person I am today.
So what am I taking away from this experience?
One of the biggest things has been a powerful reminder of how resilient and adaptable we are as a human race, and I am as an individual. The way we’ve responded creatively to find ways to cope and new ways to connect. The focus on connection and compassion, which we all value but maybe didn’t prioritise before. The appreciation of the value of people and experiences in lives rather than material things. We’re in our houses full of stuff but we don’t want to be, we want to be out there living. The sense of community that’s developing, that we’re all in this together and that we’ll get through this. Together.
“Alone we can do so little; together, we can do so much.”
All of these are a reminder of things we had forgotten or lost, throughout our lives or over generations. I had forgotten how strong I am and my ability to cope with change. We’ve lost something of the community spirit that we hear about from previous generations or in different cultures. We’ve lost this closeness and can do attitude in the face of challenges. Some of these positives from the past are being remembered and are returning to our lives.
But there’s a future focused gain too. From this need to be creative and adapt, I have pushed out of my comfort zone. There are things I’ve wanted to do but have felt I couldn’t. Maybe if I launch my coaching business and put myself out there no one will want to work with me. Maybe people will judge me for what I say about such and such. But when we’re faced with a bigger challenge, as we are now, and have the reminder that we can handle uncertainty, it gives a bit of confidence that we can push ourselves into new waters and be able to deal with what comes up there.
I’ve been more visible on social media, committing to showing my face and showing up for others as myself. Trying not to hide because of fear of judgement. I’ve been avoiding going live on facebook or instagram because it makes me anxious, but now I’ve recorded videos for my upcoming online course and am planning a virtual conference where I’ll be on screen most of the day (with guests, not just me!) I guess I don’t do things by half and have jumped in with both feet. But really, what have I got to lose by pushing myself out of my comfort zone in this way?
“Comfort zones are most often expanded through discomfort.”
It can be so easy to get wrapped up in thinking about what we can’t do and everything we’re missing and the overall uncertainty of the situation. But when I pause to think about the other side, the things that I’ve gained, I feel more positive.
I encourage you to try this for yourself. Think about what you’re grateful for that you can still do. Think about how you’ve surprised yourself in this situation. Maybe you feel more connected to your family because you’ve made more effort to contact them - somehow the enforced separation can make us want to reach out more than we perhaps would have previously. You might have learnt something new or got round to a task that you’ve been putting off for ages.
I want to add something really important. If you’ve made this amazing progress in some way, that’s cool. If you haven’t? That’s cool too. You may have seen the posts about how if you’ve not done that thing you’ve always wanted to then you didn’t lack time, you lacked discipline. I think that’s so unhelpful. Maybe it’s true for some people. Maybe you’re just getting through this. Maybe it’s an effort to get out of bed everyday. Maybe you’re eating way too much chocolate. These last two definitely have applied to me over the last few weeks. We cope in our own ways, some people might become hyper productive, others may struggle. Some people may feel really chilled about the whole thing, others won’t. Your experience is your experience and whatever it looks like, it is valid.
Remember, as I love to say, be kind to yourself and meet yourself where you are. Today I’m feeling reflective and I’m able to see the positives and feel grateful (thanks gratitude practice). But I’ve definitely had days when I’ve struggled. I’ve found that focusing on what I’m grateful for and the opportunities has helped me to feel happier and more hopeful in general so if you’re struggling, maybe give it a try too and see how it feels. It can take time to shift our mindset in this way, and it’s not a fixed thing. But we can get through this, together.
“Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.”
