The power of small - how words can have a lasting impact
Today is Time to Talk Day, an annual campaign organized by Time to Change to encourage us to have conversations about mental health. This year’s theme is the power of small and it’s got me reflecting on small comments that have had a big impact on me.
Many of us can recall small comments that have been made to us, often in passing, by parents, teachers or peers, which have shaped, sometimes unconsciously, what we see as possible or expected from us. And these small things can have huge impacts, holding us back from what we want to achieve, limiting our success and affecting how we feel about ourselves.
Today I want to share two comments that have been made to me about my depression which have had wildly different impacts. Both were small things that the other person probably didn’t think about much. But they weren’t small things to me and I thought about them a lot. I still remember them many years later.
The first was in my first full time role out of university. I’d been there a few months and was finding my feet. I’d recently come to the realization that I was depressed, had been to the doctor, put on antidepressants and was putting in place counselling through the workplace employee assistance programme. I hadn’t told anyone at work about my depression or how I was feeling, putting on the classic brave, happy face at work (or at least I thought so). But on that particular day for some reason I said to a colleague that I was feeling quite depressed that day. Their response? ‘What have you got to be depressed about?’ Wow. I don’t know whether this was an attempt to make me feel better or what the intention behind it was. But that off hand comment left me reeling. It changed how I felt about this colleague, the workplace and my own mental health. Self-stigma is a real thing – feeling we shouldn’t be feeling a certain way because what have we got to be miserable about/depressed about/anxious about etc. This wasn’t the only thing that led to my self-stigmatism, but it definitely had an impact.
Which brings me to the second thing. This was again a work situation and I had been offered a new role. I’d started putting my mental health on forms, accepting it as part of my experience. And as a condition of the new role I had to talk to someone from occupational health to see whether it would have an impact on my ability to do the role. I spoke to a lovely gentleman and he made one comment which really touched me and has stayed with me. Talking about my depression, he told me he also lived with a ‘chronic condition’ so could relate. This understanding and appreciation that my experience was real, challenging at times but also didn’t define me, was quite profound. In contrast to the previous experience, this allowed me to really look at how I was feeling and accept it. To understand that it did matter how I was feeling. That there really is no scale of suffering, if we’re struggling then we deserve support, compassion, understanding. It doesn’t matter if we don’t have it as bad as someone else, it’s not a competition.
Both these comments, neither of which I think had much thought put in, have stayed with me and have led me to be mindful of how I talk about my own mental health and other peoples. And what I say in general. We don’t know what other people are going through. So I try to always be curious, seek to understand that person and their life, and to always act from a place of kindness. Do I always get it right? No. But it’s served me well so far.
So today, why not take a moment to reflect on the small things that have had a big impact in your life. And maybe take a small step to reach out to someone. Whether it’s a message to check in to see how they’re doing or to reach out for support if you’re struggling, it’s a small step that can have a massive impact.
