Finding inspiration
“Don’t be pushed around by the fears in your mind. Be led by the dreams in your heart.”
I watched a film last night which isn’t massive news to anyone. I like films, I watch them often. This one was recommended by a friend who had watched it and been really moved by it. So I gave it a go. It was Brittany runs a marathon, if you’re interested. Without giving away too many spoilers it’s about a women who is unhappy in where she is in her life, hasn’t been looking after her body and needs to make changes. Gyms are too expensive so she starts running. And then she starts pushing herself to see what she can achieve. To see what is possible when she believes in herself.
I guess it’s a similar trope to other movies of overcoming challenges and proving yourself to yourself. But I felt really inspired by it. I’m always amazed by the power of arts to move us, whether it is the words in a poem, a book or a song - not just the lyrics but the music too, or in films. Or any art really. But I tend to be moved the most by films, books and music.
Why do certain stories resonate with us? I think it’s when we can see ourselves in the characters, when the story mirrors our own experience. I too have held myself back in life and not pushed myself, worried about my body image and that there were (or are) things that I just can’t do. Running, as I’ve talked about before is definitely one of them.
I’ve told myself that I’m not a runner - I have asthma, it hurts my legs etc. etc. I set myself a challenge this year to master my mindset and tackle this particular limiting belief. And so far? I’ve not done much. It’s now April and up until today I had done one 3 mile run which I walk/jogged. Admittedly, I did run more of it then I thought I would be able to. But that’s not a lot of progress in 4 months.
Change is hard. Letting go of the stories and beliefs that we’ve been telling ourselves our hard. They feed in to the way we view ourselves, the world and our place in it. I guess they keep us safe too. If we don’t challenge them then we don’t fail. We don’t get hurt. But we don’t see what we’re capable of either.
I’ve increased my fitness over the last 16 months up to crossfit 5 times a week. Apart from the last few weeks in lockdown where that has slipped as I adjust to my new normal. But I can lift heavy stuff reasonably well and enjoy it.
But I can’t run.
“There are no limits to what you can accomplish, except the limits you place on your own thinking.”
I said up until today that was all I had done. But actually I’ve been thinking back to my why and the why of psykhe - about living a joyful, meaningful and healthy life, and about nurturing ourselves. And limiting myself and what is possible for me isn’t nurturing me. I’ve been drawing inspiration from the guests on my podcast, reflecting on my experiences more (hello Michelle Obamas Becoming Journal which I’d 100% recommend for getting to know yourself).
And then I watched this film.
Here was someone who was like me. And they did it. And it sucked. The training sucked, life was difficult. But they kept pushing themselves and they did it. I was already inspired by the film and then at the end the credits said ‘for Brittany’ and showed images of someone else, it’s based on a true story.
So I started asking myself, what is possible for me? Could I actually do it? I always stop running and it’s not beause my body can’t do it, it’s my mind. So I set myself a simple challenge, just to see if I could do it.
I was going to run a mile. Just one. But I’d run the whole thing. Now obviously if I had to physically stop I would. But if I could breathe and my legs could keep moving without the kind of pain that you should listen to (you know, sharp pain not just tired muscles), then I would keep going.
I also wanted to get back in to my cross fit routine and other self-care practices. So I set my alarm for 5am again which is my usual ‘normal’ wake up time for the gym. It went off and I was tired but I got up. I’d sorted my kit out last night and actually felt quite excited doing so, this was a fun challenge to see what I am capable of. I did a gentle 40 minute yoga sequence and a not so gentle 45 minute cross fit session (lots of push ups!) But it got my body warm. I then strapped on my shoes and headed out for my run.
I’d planned out a one mile circuit which I’ve walked with the dog many times before. I just needed to run it. It was a cold morning (so my asthma has not been happy today!) but beautiful, golden sunshine shining through the leaves and the tree blossom. I had a few moments where I appreciate the beauty of the morning but honestly most of the time I was chanting something over and over in my head to keep me going. It wasn’t fun. I wasn’t gliding along gracefully. But I kept putting one foot in front of the other and I did it. One whole mile without walking or stopping.
It’s a long way from a marathon but to me this was a significant challenge. I’ve never run that far before and it felt like a massive milestone that I wouldn’t be able to achieve. But I did. All I had to do was work on my mind and coax myself round. In the film this got easier for her so we’ll see.
But the powerful thing about challenges like this is that we start off thinking we can’t do it. And then we push ourselves and surprise ourselves with what we’re capable of. Now instead of your experience consisting of telling yourself you can’t do it you have proof that you can. So the next time you set out knowing that it’s possible. And maybe you go a little further each day. Until one day you’re running 34 miles in a canyon in the desert.
Who knows if that’s where I’ll get to, but another source of inspiration was hearing about the Canyon de Chelly ultra marathon in Arizona which is a race organised and held on Navajo land. Running to them is part of their traditions, a way to honour their gods and ancestors, to heal, grow and learn. I don’t know if I’ll ever get to that level but I want a piece of that, to feel at one with the earth and to learn about myself. So now I’ve got my one mile and the inspiration and idea that maybe it is possible for me, how far can I go when I try?
“Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment, until it becomes a memory.”
