What's your story?
“There is no greater power on this earth than story. ”
I’ve been reflecting over the last few days about my story, both personally and professionally as Psykhe Coaching. Stories are so powerful; they shape how we see ourselves and the world around us. They influence our decisions, how we interact with others, basically everything. But though they are so influential, I think we rarely stop to think about our own stories that we’re telling ourselves.
My story is something I’ve been thinking about generally as part of promoting Psykhe – you know, showing people who I am and why they should work with me. But it’s also something I’ve been focusing on in my own self-development journey. I’ve had a lot of work to do on myself to let go of limiting beliefs that weren’t serving me – that were holding me back from the life I was dreaming of. Full disclosure, I’m not there yet. There is still a lot of work to do, but I think it is an ongoing process throughout your life.
I was invited on to another podcast to do an interview. This was the Getting2knowupod where we would just chat about me and about my story. This was actually really nerve wracking. I had recorded a previous interview where I talked about mental health with my professional hat on. And that was totally fine. A bit of normal nerves but I knew my subject, I am passionate about it, so it was cool. But this one? Talking about myself personally? That’s a different thing. All those fears of not being liked or good enough threatened to resurface. We recorded the interview and it was good fun, I was fairly relaxed and felt it went ok. And then it came out yesterday. And guess what, all those feelings came up again. What would people actually think about me? It’s funny actually because one of the things I talked about was letting go of what people think of you as it’s something I have really had to work on for myself. I also had that feeling of ‘why did I say that’ and ‘I should have said…’. But I think that’s a normal response to having had any kind of talk or conversation.
So now my story (ish) is out in the world. It went in interesting and unexpected directions, but obviously things that have shaped who I am even if I don’t think about them that often. And there are lots of things that have shaped me that I didn’t talk about. I didn’t talk about the amazing relationship and support I have from my step-mum, my dad, my friends, my partner. It’s not that they aren’t important to my story. This was just one version of my story, one part of it. And that’s the thing, we have had so many experiences in our lives that have in some part shaped us. Even if we are not aware how. We are selective of our story depending on who we are talking to, what we are focusing on. And many of us have never really sat and thought about it.
“There’s a story behind every person. There’s a reason why they’re the way they are. Think about that before you judge anyone.”
So, I’m going to share the story that I’ve written out for a facebook page. This is a bit of Psykhe’s story and a bit of my personal story, of how I got to where I am now. And I’d encourage you, if you feel able, to think about your story. Maybe spend 10 minutes writing it out. You might be surprised what comes out. And the beauty of our stories is that they are still being written. If, like me, your story hasn’t really gone where you want it to, you are the author of your life and your story so you can choose in which direction it goes. If you find fear has been a massive part of your story, then you can choose to let it go. Thank it for keeping you safe and serving you this far, and then release it and choose a different lens to guide you. Maybe you want to see what happens when joy replaces fear. FYI, I love Inside Out and it’s take on emotions being in the driving seat. I talked about this in episode 4 of the podcast. If you read back through your story and you have regret or see missed opportunities or repeating patterns that you don’t want to continue living out, then you can adapt as you go forward.
So here it is, here is our story at Psykhe and a little bit of my personal story.
Psykhe was born out of a desire to promote mental wellbeing. We talk about our physical health and we’re starting to talk about mental illness more, but we often don’t think about how we can look after our mental wellbeing. We’re here to inform, inspire through real stories and empower you through practical tips you can try out for yourself.
We believe that we are all unique and so a one size fits all model doesn’t make sense. We encourage you to experiment - try out the tips for yourself and see what works for you.
We’re also here to challenge misconceptions and stigma around mental illness. You’ll always find honest conversations, support and encouragement here with Psykhe.
We want to live a joyful, meaningful and healthy life and we’re here to help others on their journey too.
Psykhe was launched in September 2019 by me (Hannah Stainer), and the idea came about from my own journey towards this goal. Around 18 months prior to this I had realised that whilst I had thought I was doing ok and not experiencing depression and anxiety, I wasn’t really ok.
Our new logo - and a rebrand to reflect our changing focus.
I’d experienced depression and anxiety (particularly social anxiety) for as long as I can remember, at least from my teenage years, and had spent many, many years struggling with this. Either feeling too numb to do any of the things I enjoyed or being so overcome with anxiety about what others might think of me that I couldn’t enjoy them. For a little while I’d thought I was doing ok. I wasn’t in the pit of depression. But in the run up to my 30th birthday I realised that fear was still such a massive driver in my life - in my decisions and indecisions. I realised I wasn’t really ok; I wasn’t really living - not in the way I wanted to. And I wasn’t ok with the next 30 years being the same.
So, I started a process of prioritising my mental wellbeing and working on my relationship with myself. I did not love myself. I didn’t even like myself. I had such a negative view of myself and I was worried about other people seeing me in the same way. I needed to change how I felt about myself first and foremost. How could I push myself forward when I didn’t really believe it was possible for me, that I could do it.
Over years of people pleasing I had completely lost touch with who I am. I felt lost, stuck. Getting to know myself again has been a massive step in moving forwards. This self-awareness is something that has come up time and time again when I talk to guests on the podcast, the importance of knowing yourself. I don’t believe there is a fixed ‘I’ that we can get to know, it’s about being able to check in with where you are in the moment and starting from where you are.
I still have my days when I’m not ok, but generally I feel much more alive. I try to live in the present and not be ruled so much by regrets or dreams of the future - to live in the now rather than in my head.
Psykhe came about from wanting to share what I have learnt on my own journey. I feel like such a different person to the one I was 2 years ago. I feel more like me. This is why we say that you have the answers inside you. It’s not about being a better version of you, it’s about reconnecting with yourself, learning to trust yourself and love yourself.
Enjoying the sunshine in New Zealand
“Telling a true story about personal experience is not just a matter of being oneself, or even of finding oneself. It is also a matter of choosing oneself.”
